I don’t know why this cartoon makes me chuckle. Maybe because while I’m not “old”, I’m definitely older. Why does 1990 seem not that long ago? I see people my age now and I see them as “older” adults, like I’m still 25 or something. Why is that? Is it because at almost 50 I still don’t feel like I have my shit together and probably never will. I had my shit more together at 23 than I do at 49. When do we feel like we’re fully functioning adults? Do we ever? What constitutes a fully functioning adult? I pay my bills on time, I show up for work on time, I’m not in trouble with the law (but I will be someday when I finally freak out on a driver at a round about) so why don’t I feel like I’m a real grown up? I’ve been noticing that a lot of my friends are younger, like half my age, and I feel comfortable with them. I have some friends who are older or close to my age and I feel comfortable with them too, consider them some of the best people on this earth.
I’ve noticed too that as I get older I start to think more about faith and wanting to find something that helps guide me spiritually. I’ve never been a religious person. In fact, I use to buck up against any organized religion. Now I find myself thinking about trying to go to church. But why? What is it I’m needing? I know the basics of being a good person (do unto others and the like) but my life motto has usually been more of the “don’t be a dick” attitude.
I’ve also noticed my husband getting older and he’s younger than me (I’m not a cougar, he’s not that young) and I’m thinking of other things he can do not that far into the future. He’s a farrier which is hard on the body. And dealing with horse owners can be really hard on the mind sometimes. His body is breaking down at the ripe age of 46 due to his job (which he loves most of the time). But now he and I are thinking of other ways he can make a living when he’s to broken down for farrier work. He’s thinking of teaching, maybe opening a farrier school, maybe go back to learn silversmithing (something he started in the past). I feel like we need a plan but have no idea what kind of plan we need. We have so many goals we want to accomplish and sometimes I feel like we’re running out of time. I know that sounds ridiculous to people who are “old”.
Even my damn dogs are getting older. My old precious Elly Mae doesn’t have long left in this world and we have another one not much younger than her showing his age. It seems like yesterday they were puppies. My horses are getting old at 17 & 18. Geezus, they were just babies running around the pasture. My other horse is young but she’s aged me! Time really does go fast, a hard concept when you’re 30 and younger.
I used to drive sports cars. I love love love fast cars. As I get older I find myself wanting my old sports car back. Is this a beyond-mid-life crisis? Is it because I drive sensible vehicles now that I feel even older?
So, I’m not getting any younger and wondering when I’ll feel like an adult. Worrying about my old dog, worrying what my husband will do that he loves as much as being a farrier, worrying about how my siblings and I will handle our parents getting old, worrying about how I’ll be able to retire, and on and on and on…..
Please tell me I’m not the only one who worries about stupid stuff like that at my age.
As my mom always says, “getting old ain’t for sissies”. It’s sure not.
Horseshoes and Hormones 